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Creating this podcast was a bit of a test, to put it simply.

To start making this podcast, I read through many education studies and sources, the first being the first which appears in my podcast, a Davis, Ambrose and Orand 2017 US study ‘Identity and agency in school and after school settings: investigating digital media’s supporting role’. The discussion of identity and agency over the usual discussion directly being about technology really connected to me. However, it was hard to connect this to other studies I had read which directly concern with learning and the use of media mitigating that.

I decided to take an angle looking from different points of education of schooling, especially preschool as it is incredibly important in teaching children the basic skills they need, and high school, the end of mainstream education. I specifically mirrored the reading above with a 2014 Aberg, Lantz-Andersson and Pramling Swedish study ‘‘Once upon a time there was a mouse’: children’s technology-mediated storytelling in preschool class’.

Looking at two different studies from these points, I wanted to look at how the formation of identity occurs, and the change which needs to occur to allow the next generation to have more control over their identity and agency. However, as these readings didn’t have a concrete answer to their tests, I couldn’t really draw my podcast to a concrete ending.

To start recording, I made sure that my dog wasn’t in my bedroom to distract me. To ensure I could minimalize the amount of noise inside the house, I closed my door. Any noises outside were outside of my control, so I’d have to control whatever happened.

My first realistic problem was getting my microphone to work on the Macbook I was using. While I tried putting the USB into different ports, it still wouldn’t work, so I swapped to my Windows laptop. However, this laptop has a low humming sound from the fans which always comes through in recording, so I had to work with the humming in my final piece.

In recording, I decided to do everything in one go, redoing parts on the fly. This resulted in the recording being ten minutes long, with a definite change of confidence from the start to the end. However, throughout all of it, I noticed small tendencies with my voice, my pauses being too long with commas, and when I was unsure of what I was saying I would slur the words together a bit. I tried to edit most of these things out in Audacity, bringing my audio down to five and a half minutes.

In the background of my recording, there was a noise. Not a next-door neighbour making a racket, but instead the dulcet tones of a crow squawking between my words.

However, this inspired me to choose my music. Every day I was looking for music, and none of it was right.

These bird sounds inspired me to use nature and bird sounds as my background music. This music in in complete juxtaposition to my topic, being technology, but I wanted to take advantage of the stereotype of younger children being connected to nature in my podcast, to subvert expectations.

I feel like this above example really illustrates what I enjoyed about this. In not doing much testing beforehand, I was nervous, but in recording and editing I had a lot of fun learning things right then and there. Different programs and activities can be daunting at first, but it is in actually doing things that you can learn what you are capable of, your own abilities.

Me, comforting my dog now that I can let him into my room after recording and editing my podcast~ pic.twitter.com/VMhy47KmtK

— inez (@inezhawkwash) February 7, 2020

References:

Aberg, ES, Lantz-Andersson, A, Pramling, N 2014, ‘‘Once upon a time there was a mouse’: children’s technology-mediated storytelling in preschool class’, Early Child Development and Care, vol. 184, no. 11, pp. 1583 – 1598, 10.1080/03004430.2013.867342

Davis, K, Ambrose, A, Orand, M 2017, ‘Identity and agency in school and afterschool settings: investigating digital media’s supporting role’, Digital Culture & Education, vol. 9, no. 1a, pp. 31-47, Complementary Index

https://twitter.com/inezhawkwash/status/1205042799067795456?s=20

“Don’t you know we are in the modern age now?”

In being asked, by the customer on the other side of the counter what career I could possibly get through creative writing, this was their response.

I was a bit taken aback, saying yes and wishing them a good day. Yet there was something off, their condoning tone to my aspirations. But I kept on thinking. Are my own choices of wanting to follow creative writing through to a job stuck in the past?

No, everything which we have learnt focuses on building communities and pushing your work out into the public. Writing is prominent in television, film, and many people consume this media outside of their daily jobs. But then I realised.

I hadn’t entered anything into those magazines, made any online connections. I was the hypocrite. Just as Marshall highlights in Celebrity Studies (2010), ‘television and film as […] representational media do not continue to [produce as much of their influence due to it being] remediated through on-line pathways’ (Marshal 2010, p. 38).

I didn’t have an online identity, or any online presence, or a presence like famous writers. Even my own projects, like in school, don’t have a presence anymore.

I wrote the story in year 7, returning to it in year 12 for my art project. A story of an orphan and the last witch on Earth, a story of overcoming the past and accepting those different to you. The recent divide between my friends due to their differences motivated me to try to speak to them through a picture book. Ironic.

Was I the naïve one, thinking I knew more than this customer, making picture books in an age where children use technology instead? Was I out of date?

My friends never made up.

I made my Twitter account after that encounter. While my intercommunicative self, just as Marshall puts it, ‘acknowledges the necessity of linking one’s own identities into some sort of pattern’ (2010, p. 42), already had a visual identity through my use of florals, black and white, and pastels on my old social media, I was tossing it away.

I was still trying to form an identity guided by celebrities I like, their interests, their hobbies. Just like how money hungry supermarkets have their layouts to convince customers to buy more, I was consuming this idea without properly learning or reflecting on my choices.

Was I thinking more of advertising myself, wanting publicity, not enjoying what I was writing?

That picture book sits in my bedside bookshelf. Whenever I think about it, I want to write more, draw more. Yet I hadn’t looked at it for a long time, or the other book I made – a compilation of my year 12 media photos.

Hello everyone! I haven't really used Twitter before, but for the purposes of learning how to use it, I'm eager to finally start! I'm excited to get to know you all~ 😄 Here's my about me page, and a rare photo of my cat in the windowsill! https://t.co/jVWfiCMjO9 #ALM101 pic.twitter.com/g4Dc9ec314

— inez (@inezhawkwash) November 16, 2019

My dog passed away early in year 12, when I was on the way to a media and photography excursion. My photographs reflected the mourning and reflection which I was going through, as well as my family. My cat, too, many years older than my dog. Even in my first Twitter post, I had a picture of him. They are equally as integral to me.

Was it wrong to present such a personal part of me in a school outcome? Is it wrong, then, for anyone to weigh the ‘value of the public private self [through putting such intimate content, like my name, like the pets I hold dear, like these pieces] to an on-line public’ (2010, p. 45)?

I have reflected before how my username is probably going to change again. This is just a start, through such an encounter, where I know my identity is going to change. 

Just how that customer didn’t understand that creative writing is steeped in the modern age, my identity will shift again. The picture book and photographs reflected my identity in 2018, year 12 Inez. A ‘pedagogical tool [an] aid in the discourse of [my]self’ (2010, p. 36), as Marshall may put it in online terms. It still exists somewhere in me. Our past always influences us.

I’m now on a different path. Maybe the first year of university shifted me more than I thought. I was straying further, confused how all writers start from nowhere and gain their influence. We all have power, and I wasn’t sure if I did.

While I do want to try harder, to think ‘about individuality and producing the individual self through the public world’ (2010, p. 46), I want to remind myself to never lose sight of my love for writing. I want to create things like this blog post. I lost that side of me, but now it is coming back. I hope if you have lost sight of your path, that you will be able to find your way back too.

I'm currently taking a design unit over the summer, and super enjoying being able to storyboard! I really want to keep on working with this idea and the characters, as spending only a week with them isn't enough time for me~ 😊 #storyboarding pic.twitter.com/02nTdJLJIt

— inez (@inezhawkwash) December 15, 2019

References:

Marshall, D 2010, ‘The promotion and presentation of the self: celebrity as marker of presentational media’, Celebrity Studies, volume 1, issue 1, pp. 35-48, 10.1080/19392390903519057

https://twitter.com/inezhawkwash/status/1205042799067795456?s=20

“Don’t you know we are in the modern age now?”

In being asked, by the customer on the other side of the counter what career I could possibly get through creative writing, this was their response.

I was a bit taken aback, just saying yes, giggling a bit, and wishing them a good day. Yet there was something off, their condoning tone to my choice of studying creative writing at university. But I kept on thinking. Are my own choices of wanting to follow creative writing through to a job stuck in the past?

No, everything which we have learnt in my units focuses on building communities and pushing your work out into the public. But then I realised.

I hadn’t entered anything into those magazines. I hadn’t made any online connections. I was the hypocrite in this case. My own pride and arrogance which carried me through high school, in the things I created, was now laughing back at me.

I didn’t have an online identity yet.

The only times in which I had pushed my writing out into the public was in high school. The organised writing competitions, stories I would create for English and Art. My Year 12 art project came from here.

Originally a story I made in year 7, of an orphan and the last surviving witch on Earth, a story of overcoming the past and accepting those different to you. I used this idea for my year 12 art project, creating a picture book. The recent divide between my friends due to their differences motivated me to try to speak to them through this medium. Ironic, with the assumptions which picture books have, to educate children. It didn’t work.

Was I the naïve one, in that moment, thinking I knew more than this customer, making picture books in an age where children use technology instead? Was I out of date?

The weeks following that is when I made my Twitter account for this unit, drifting away from looking at the things I love and instead just saying it on my profile. The creative writing side of me, the drawing side of me, I was tossing it away.

Was I thinking more of advertising myself, instead of showing what I truly was like?

Even in working at a supermarket, a hub of money and consumerism, I was still trying to form an identity guided by celebrities I like, their interests, their hobbies.  Just like how supermarkets have their layouts to convince customers to buy more, I was consuming this idea without properly learning or reflecting on my choices. Did I lose the enjoyment I had in creating stories in high school? Did I just want publicity?

These pieces were the most personal things to me. That picture book sits in the bookshelf right beside my bed. Whenever I think about it, I want to write more and draw more. Yet I hadn’t looked at them for a long time.

The other book which sits in that bookshelf is a compilation of my year 12 media photographs, telling a personal story.

The passing of my dog early into year 12 was sudden, and hit me hard. My photographs reflected the sorrow, mourning and remembering which I was going through, as well as my cat. He is many years older than my dog, still kicking to this day. Even in my first Twitter post, I had a picture of him. They are integral to me.

Hello everyone! I haven't really used Twitter before, but for the purposes of learning how to use it, I'm eager to finally start! I'm excited to get to know you all~ 😄 Here's my about me page, and a rare photo of my cat in the windowsill! https://t.co/jVWfiCMjO9 #ALM101 pic.twitter.com/g4Dc9ec314

— inez (@inezhawkwash) November 16, 2019

Was it wrong to present such a personal part of me in a school outcome?

Even in an assignment, I talked about how my username is probably going to change again. This is just a start. And I feel like this is what I should take from this encounter, that my identity is going to change.

Just how that customer didn’t understand that creative writing is steeped in the modern age, my identity will shift again and again. The picture book and photographs were a reflection of my identity then. It was Inez from 2018, a year 12 student, who would always sign everything as an afterthought. It still exists somewhere in me, but now I am on a different path.

Maybe the first year of university shifted that path more than I thought, where I looked more towards the marks and trying to adjust to the city. And maybe, after this encounter, I had strayed even more, even if for a short amount of time.

While I do want to try harder, try to get myself out there, I want to remind myself to never lose sight of what I love writing. I want to create things, just like this blog post. I lost that side of me for a while, but now it is coming back.